Winning
How do you get what you really want in life?
My experience has been that often the best way to get what you want is not the same as you might think on first impulse. It also isn't the way you may have been taught by life experience. The best solutions are not always intuitive, especially if the gratification is delayed or your actions must be logical and measured and not completely emotional.
But you can't eliminate emotions completely either. In the game of life, attitude is a huge factor ... and so is your approach when working with others.
Teaching Children
Little Johnny is hungry so he asks for food. He gets no response so he cries. If that doesn't work he cries harder until eventually somebody pays attention, breaks down and gives him something to eat.
Lesson learned - if you're hungry, pitch a fit and somebody will take care of you.
The next day, little Johnny doesn't waste time with steps one and two. He heads straight for pitching a fit which leads to a teaching moment. Some caregivers respond by giving Johnny some food to shut him up ("The poor guy is just hungry"). Others punish Johnny for inappropriate behavior. Both are responses at either end of the emotional spectrum. Neither really teaches Johnny anything constructive.
The best solution would be to get Johnny to communicate what's bothering him (he's hungry), show him how to ask nicely for food, praise his actions when he does and then reward him with something to satisfy his hunger.
Unfortunately, we are often too busy and emotionally involved in the situation ourselves to deliver the best solution so we resort to activities taught to us when we were young - none of them very positive.
Grown Up Lessons From the Field
I love soccer. I've coached the game. I watch the game whenever I can ... and I PLAY the game.
In soccer, the key to the game is possession. The longer you have possession of the ball, the more likely you are to score goals and win the game. Giving the ball away to the other team is something to be avoided.
Last week I had a men's league 35+ soccer game and we had a new player, Eric, helping out our team. But while Eric had some raw talent, he was new to the game and had very little confidence. At the first sign of any pressure, he'd make a mistake and lose possession of the soccer ball.
The first reaction by many of the players was, "Don't give Eric the ball - that way he can't lose it." It is a natural and emotional response, but not a very good solution. Eric had even less confidence, made even more mistakes and we were effectively playing the game with one less player on the field.
In the second half, Eric was moved to a defender position with myself and another player who has also been a long-time coach of the game. We shifted our approach to constructive chatter - always telling Eric what we were doing and how he could help. Every time we caught him making a good play, we praised him.
By the end of the game, Eric's confidence swelled. He was an important part of our defense and ended up saving the game with his own abilities. Eric's confidence made the difference.
Hand-Slap or Hug
All too often, our gut reaction to a situation is to punish a person for making a mistake rather than helping them become better from the experience. I believe this starts with the basic tenets of our education system and a deep-rooted, unreasonable pursuit of perfection in our society.
The end result is a nation full of people like "Eric" (not his real name, by the way) who are not being given a chance to make their own valuable contribution and who are now scared to even try for fear they'll be embarrassed or get their hand slapped again.
Winning the Money Game
This is no more true than in the world of personal finance and economics. Somehow we have taught the masses that the solution to our economic problems lie with a few people like Ben Bernanke, Barrack Obama or the U.S. Congress.
These powerful few have been all too willing to dole out hand-slaps to anybody who has screwed up (forgetting for the moment that we are ALL human and therefore we ALL screw up) other than themselves. Somehow as a society we have taken the bait hook, line and sinker and now believe that only THEY can fix our problems.
The reality is that the only way we can win the money game in this nation is if we stop trying to play the game without all of our players on the field. We must teach every person how to become contributing members of the team.
Money Confidence
If you would like more confidence in your choices about money, think about working with a Wealth Coach.
I have reviewed hundreds of family financial cases. In almost every case, the family was doing better than they feared (although they were often unaware of other areas that really needed work). Like the positive chatter we gave to Eric on the soccer pitch, my work as a Wealth Coach is to help you make better choices with your money every day, build confidence ... and take back control of your financial life.
John